On The Road Again, Again
By the time you read this, I'll be on the move again.
Lucy and I spent three lovely weeks in Vancouver. Our friend Sassy May very kindly offered her couch to sleep on, and we made full use of that couch and the rest of her apartment, too.
I even got to cooking again, which was a tremendous relief after more or less a solid month of road food.
And it's been wonderful to be back in Vancouver. The weather has been hot, and Lucy and I have spent a lot of time wandering along the seawall that fringes the city.
It's one of my favourite things to do, and when the sun is shining and there's a breeze coming in past the freighters anchored off of English Bay, Vancouver pretty well seems like paradise.
It has been great to spend time with Sassy May, too, who loves Lucy almost as much as I do. And I've been able to catch up with a bunch of friends I haven't seen in a while, too, and run errands and do laundry and more or less feel like a normal human being again.
But it's been challenging being back here in Vancouver, too. In some ways I feel like I've taken steps back from the progress I made while I was back east in Prince Edward Island.
I haven't been exercising as much, though I've been walking aiming to walk about six miles a day, and yesterday I did ten miles.
I've been managing to eat pretty healthy although my beer consumption has increased due to, you know, summertime and patios. But I'm still taking care to regulate my consumption.
Mentally, though, I've been up and down.
It's still tough to be in this city where my partner and I built our life. Things remind me of her and though I don't necessarily miss her I do miss the security I felt when I felt like we loved each other and we'd be together forever.
I don't feel ready to risk finding someone new and I honestly don't know if I ever will, but I feel lonely regardless.
It's just like there's a switch that flips off whenever someone gets too close to me and I just shut down and back away.
I don't want to invest emotional energy into something that's just going to hurt me again.
So there's that.
And career-wise, I'm still feeling like I'm in limbo. I'm still trying to figure out the next step, but there's this sense that no matter what I decide, the success of my work depends less on me than on external factors that I can't control.
I have some stuff on the go that I'm enthusiastic about, but I don't want to get too excited too early. And I'm trying not to drive myself crazy worrying about stuff that's out of my power, and instead focusing on the things that are.
So we'll see, on that front. In any case I have at least two books coming and I'm excited to get them out into the world.
Today, I'm on the move.
My friends Arthur and Megan and I have arranged to rent a beautiful home in the woods north of Pemberton, BC, for the summer.
The house is about a two and a half hour drive from Vancouver and is situated on a beautiful, isolated little piece of land, with a creek running through the back and a fire pit and plenty of land for Lucy to run around again.
Pemberton is simply gorgeous, and it's a town filled with young people who are attracted to the outdoors. There are endless opportunities for hiking and exploration.
It's going to be a fantastic summer.
We have the place until the end of September, and after that, who knows? I have some events on the books for October and November, but aside from that, I don't have any concrete plan for what comes next.
But I don't think it's worth worrying about right now.
Right now, I'm going to try to live in the moment and enjoy this beautiful life with my dog and two good friends.
I'm going to focus on being grateful for what I have, and optimistic about what the future holds.
I'm going to try to remember that I'll be all right, no matter how my career pans out.
And that someday I will be ready to meet someone new. It doesn't have to be soon.
I'm going to enjoy the summer. I hope you'll come along for the ride.